DA BEST DANGAN RONPA STORY EVER
by SkyeTheFangirl
Summary: A troll fic. Read at your own risk. Cover art drawn by me because I was bored. (no effort) Flames appreciated!
1. We meet Mikako-Chan

**I DON'T EVEN KNOW OKAY**

 **IF YOU CAN MAKE ANY SENSE OF THIS YOU ARE AMAZING**

 **THIS WILL BE THE LAST INTELLIGIBLE SENTENCE YOU SEE**

* * *

Konichiwa! Watashi Mikako Sanada! I'm so kawaii desu!

Today is my first day hope's peak academy! I'm the super duper high school level Kawai Desu Anime Girl Cosplayer!

I have hot pink hair that is 10 feet long! It has purple streaks! My eyes are rainbow. I never wear the same outfit because I'm always in cosplay desu.

Today I'm dressed as Miku Hatsune! It's so kawaii! Everyone says I'm ugly but there bakas! I'm sugoi!

I stood in front of the school, my super sparkly eyes sparkling more because I'm kawaii desu!

Let's go to class!

I stepped in side and then I got all dizzy and swirly. This is so baka!

I woke up on a desk desu.

"This is so not sugoi! Or Kawaii! Baka! Baka!" I yelled. I then saw a note on the floor. I read it and gasped. It's so late! I screamed.

"Being late is almost as bad as being a Neko getting chased by a Kuma and an Inu! So not Sugoi to be late! If I had an Onee-chan, he'd be so mad! Well, Sugoi Monogatari Onee-Chan!" I yell.

I try my hardest to run. But then I realize that I'm not dressed as Miku anymore! Baka! This is so not Sugoi! I'm dressed as Sailor Mars! What the Shi? I pull my hair and run around in circles screaming. Then I stop and go to the entrance hall desu.

"YOU! YOU'RE LATE!"

"Baka! I'm so sorry, fellow student-kun! Me being late is so not Sugoi! I don't look Kawaii at all! Desu." I wailed and sat on the floor. And then I saw someone who was totally Kawaii.

He had blonde hair and glasses and a nice suit and my eyes turned to hearts and stars.

"Kawaii Desu…So Sugoi…Yatta…I found my one true Hasubando!" I scream and stand up.

'Would you introduce yourself?" Asked a really fat guy but I didn't care.

"Mikako Sanada…" I say in a super Kawaii voice as I stand up in front of my new Hasubando.

"What can I call you hasubando-senpai-sensei-sama?" I asked him.

* * *

 **That was a lot of fun to write, but it also burned my eyes, agh!**

 **Poor Byakuya, I dislike him, but he doesn't deserve being loved by a Mary-Sue.**


	2. Introductions desu

**...**

 **I know, I know, why would i keep doing this to myself.**

* * *

But then I realized that it'd be more Sugoi to introduce myself to everyone-san so that they can see how Kawaii Desu I am.

The first person was Sayaka Maizono-San and she was a baka and so not sugoi because that blue hair was totally fake but I was born with my Kawaii pink hair and streaks.

Taka-Kun was a rule abiding baka and i didn't like him he was so not sugoi.

Toko-San was a jerk she said that my hair sucked even though it's so kawaii Desu! What a baka!

Leon-Kun had fake not kawaii hair and he was so rude!

And the fat guy I forgot his name was a creep. I'll call him creep-kun.

Hina-chan was pretty kawaii but she was a baka.

Chihiro-chan was so Kawaii I just wanted to pick her up and hug her forever but then i wouldn't be able to hug my new hasubando.

Kyoko-Sama was so sugoi! She was so mysterious and stuff!

Junko-san was boring and a big jerk and such a baka and not sugoi!

And Mondo-Kun was an even bigger baka!

Sakura-San was really scary but she was super strong so I'll make sure to always tell her that she's sugoi.

Yasuhiro-kun was THE BIGGEST BAKA EVER

Celeste-Sama was so sugoi! She was really pretty and I loved how tall her pigtails were!

And of course there was my hasubando-senpai-sensei-sama! His name was Byakuya Togami and he had a totes Sugoi voice!

We all talked for a while and the the TV turned on and i heard a creepy but kawaii voice say

"Upupupupu!"

* * *

 **HELP ME PLEASE THE WAPANESE IS DROWNING ME  
**


	3. Upupupu

**I'm only writing this because these chapters are a lot shorter and I can procrastinate from writing the finale to It's Over. *pulls hair* *cries* desu**

 **OH MY GOD NO**

 **CRAP ITS ONLY BEEN TWO DAYS AND THIS FIC IS RUINING MY LIFE DESU**

 ***ROCKS BACK AND FORTH* I'm a sick girl...**

 **Maybe I'll go eat some pocky-**

 **Wait, this fic has ruined Pocky for me.**

 **Also, I forgot to introduce Makoto last chapter. Oops. I can write that in as something.**

 **Also, this computer doesn't spell check fanfiction but that's okay, spelling errors are good in a troll fic.**

* * *

"Byakuya-sensei-senpai-sama, what was that creepy but kawaii voice desu?"

"I think it was-"

"SHUT UP MAIZONO-SAN I ASKED MY HASUBANDO NOT YOU YOU BAKA desu"

"Yandere much-"

"I SAID SHUT UP OR I WILL SHOVE MY KAWAII SAILOR MARS WAND UP YOUR-"

"Mikako, I think we should remain calm. Mauling Sayaka will not help our situation." Kyoko-Sama said.

"Kyoko-Sama, you are such a baka! From nwo on, I'll call you Kyoko-San, so not sugoi! Desu."

"The sheer fact that you respected me is a little frightening." Kyoko-San said in a totes NOT sugoi voice.

"OKAY, OKAY! I'LL CALL YOU KYOKO-SAMA, HAPPY?! Desu."

"..."

"I believe we should report to the gym like the monitor said." Celeste-Sama said. See, Celeste is so sugoi!

So we all went but my new Hasubando went ahead of me so i walked next to another person but I didn't know who he was because he was so boring and not sugoi desu.

"I'm Makoto Naegi." He said.

"OMG! So not sugoi. Unless you're Byakuya-sensei-senpai-sama, I'll just call you Boring-Kun. Desu."

Boring-Kun looked at me all weird desu.

"you are sucha a baka!" I said and then i walked ahead so I could see my new hasubando. But instead, there were other people, like Creep-Kun and Junko-San. No hasubando, no Chihiro-chan, no Celeste-sama, or even Hina-chan. Creep-kun tried to say something baka to me but I hit him with my wand and ran insidethe gym to see my hasubando desu.

Chihiro-chan saw me and said hi and i gave he a huge hug because she was so kawaii desu!

"Youre so kawaii Chihiro-chan, not as sugoi as hasubando, but still, so kawaii desu!" I said. Chihiro smiled and said thank you and blushed and she was evebn more kawaii desu!

Then a half kawaii and half baka bear jumped and started talking about killing and stuff but I was too busy drooling and staring at my new hasubando with my big, sparkly rainbow eyes that glistened with kawaiiness desu.

And then something exploded because that baka mondo-Kun blew up the bear, which was so not sugoi! But then it became sugoi again when a new kawaii-baka bear appeared desu.

"Kawaii-baka bear, what is your name?" I asked because I didn't hear it earlier desu.

"My name is Monokuma! I am not a baka!"

"Monokuma-kawaii-baka-chan-kun it is!" I said my eyes sparkiling even more and then I did the splits and went into a magical mriacle girl pose to make my new senpai-hasubando notice me.

but then mondo-kun punched boring-kun and then I screamed and hit him o nteh head with my wand because I was afraid that he would attack hasubando.

And then mOnokuma-kawaii-baka-chan-kun dissapeared and we all started to explore after everyone but hasubando was being a baka for a while.

* * *

 **...**

 **FML**


	4. Motive Videos Desu

**OH MY GOD SKYE STOP PROCRASTINATING  
**

 **I CAN'T HELP IT I DON'T WANNA WRITE THE FINALE**

 **BUT YOU HAVE TO**

 **IT NEEDS TO BE PERFECT**

 **THEN AT LEAST UPDATE THIS PIECE OF WEABOO CRAP**

 **OK**

 **I think I've decided what to do with this fic. I'm going to keep everyone as in-canon as possible, with Mikako being insane.**

* * *

Since my hasubando is ignoring me for some odd reason, I think I'm going to have sleepover with Celeste-Sama because she's so sugoi after we're done exploring.

Okay, we'redone desu.

"Celeste-Sama desu?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to have a sleepover desu?"

"Why would you propose such a plan when there is a posibility that someone could murder another?"

"MURER?!"

"Monokuma explained..."

'Monokuma-Kawaii-Baka-Chan-Kun?" I yelled in a super kawaii voice.

"Yeeeeees?"

"What does Celeste-Sama mean by murder desu?"

monokuma-Kawaii-baka-Chan-Kun then gave me a super baka expanation fo a killign game and it was so not sugoi even though Monokuma-Kawaii-Baka-Chan-Kun is the most sugoi ever.

"OMG! that was so baka and boring! Now go away desu! I want dinner!" So monokuma-Kawaii-baka-Chan-Kun went away and I ran to the dining room but it was cloed so I used my magical Miracle Girl powers-

Oh! Right! My costumes give me super powers! like my sailor Mars one gives me superpowers, and my Hatsune Miku outfit gives me a totally sugoi voice desu.

So I blasted open the dining room and I saw two Junkos in there but I didn't care becaue I went straight for the onigiri they were eating and ran out of teh room desu.

And then I ate a million onigiri in my room and didn't gain any weight because I am so sugoi and kawaii desu!

Then i went to sleep desu.

* * *

The next morning i was trying to decide what kawaii costume to wear so i can look sugoi.

Then a knock at my door desu!

Maybe it's Byakuya-hasubando-senpai-sensei-sama!

But no it was just Taka-kun and i screamed and hit him on the head with the door because I wasn't wearing anything beause I was still trying to decide what to wear desu. Perv!

Then I decided to wear my Magical Miracle Girl Usami outfit complete with bunny ears, because its so sugoi! Then I ran to the dining room to get breakfast, and everyone was there, so I said hi to the Kawaii-Chihiro-Chan and drooled over Hasubando while eating Pocky and Onigiri. And then I followed Hasubando around all day desu.

* * *

And then monokuma-Kawaii-baka-Chan-Kun said he had sme videos for us so I watched mine and saw pictures of me getting cut apart, so I screamed and punched everyone. And then Sayaka-San freaked out and ran out so Boring-Kun chased after her because come on, they're both bakas, they're made for each otehr desu. I cried giant tears out of my kawaii sparkly eyes and hit people with my magical staff.

And then I cried while screaming my Hasubando's name to a totally JEALOUS look from Toko-San.

* * *

 ***barfs from weabooness*  
**


	5. Investigation (sorta) desu

**Let us continue with this piece of crap.**

* * *

So I went ot bed and stuff desu.

The next morning I dressed up in a Misty costume with pokeballs with real pokemon and I went to breakfast for some onigiri and pocky and tea and other japan stuff desu.

but then boring-kun showed up and asked where Sayaka-san was and I said I didn't care because she is so not sugoi and kawaii desu.

But then I heard screaming rom boring-kun's room so I went there because it was funny but it was so not sugoi when I saw Sayaka-san on the ground with blood and other nto sugoi stuff with some numbers that was probably her phone passcode desu. I'll have to hak her phone and stuff later desu.

boring-kun fainted and was probably dead so I threw my starmie at him to wake him up but it didn't work so I called for everyone, and then 'Monokuma-Kawaii-Baka-Chan-Kun told us to go to the gym because ther was a body so we all went and I don't know how boring-kun got ther but he did.

Then 'Monokuma-Kawaii-Baka-Chan-Kun told us that we ha to investigate because there was gonna be a sugoi class trial or whatever so I decided to go look att he body desu.

Sayaka-san was always ugly and a bad singer so I danced a kawaii happy dance when we got to boring-kuns's room desu.

And then I followed Byakuya-sensei-senpai-sama around for no reason. Then 'Monokuma-Kawaii-Baka-Chan-Kun told us to go to some creepy room and stuff desu and then we went into an elevator and stuff to a room and 'Monokuma-Kawaii-Baka-Chan-Kun talked about murder and stuff and everyone freaked out but I took a nap at my stand desu.

* * *

 **I hate Mikako so, so much.**


	6. Trial 1 Desu

**FANFIC OVER**

 **CONTINUE?**

 **Me: *selects no***

 **FANFIC CONTINUING**

 **Me: NONONONONONOONON**

 **(Imma try to make this chapter worse than usual)**

* * *

"ok so are we like dun with this baka stuf can we talk about the murder now" I ask all kawaii desu.

"yeah ok i think Makoto did it" Toko-san saiod.

"Who's makoto" I ask desu

"Me" boring-kun says

"ok y do you think boring-kun did it" I ask desu

"Becux Syaka was found in his room"

"oh rite" I say desu

"no that's wrong" Boring-kun says all baka like

"y" I say

"Becuz I traded roomz with her" He says. Then Kyoko-sama started talking and thenn i fel asleep again and dreamt about my Hasubando

I woke up when Leon-kun started saying "AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO AHO" And boring-kun was yelling and then Monokuma-kawaii-baka-chan-kun said something about punishment and then Leon-kun was taken away by a baka chain around his neck and then he was tied to a pole and then Monokuma-kawaii-baka-chan-kun shot baseballs at him and i laughed because it was so sugoi and then Leon-kun died. desu

Leon-kun and Syaka-san were dead and it was totally sugoi! desu

What a kawaii and good day desu

* * *

 **CONTINUE?**

 **Me: EFF NO**

 **FANFIC OVER**

 **Me: YES**

 **NOT HAHAH SCREW YOU THIS WILL NEVER END**

 **Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**


	7. Kiyomi Tsutaya

**Sigh.**

* * *

So that baka Leon-kun is dead and all and so is that not-kawaii person Sayaka-San.

yay!

So then I laughed happy and then I went back to my kawaii room and dreamed about happy stuff and all that kawaii sugoi desu stuff.

the next morning i dressed as May and then went to the dining room and

omg

my best friend Kiyomi tsutaya was there and i was so happy!

"omg kiyomi hai! U look so sugoi and kawaii desu!"\\\

"u 2!" Kiyomi said all kawaii-like

"how u get in here?" I ask

"I used my kawaii desu desu gaming magical powers"

"omg really?"

"ya"

"Can u get us out?"

"No"

"y"

"because i can only teleport myself wait don't you have magical powers"

"ya but I'm dressed as May today and she don't have an abra"

"then dress as sailor moon"

"nooooooooooo i never wear the same cosplay twice it's so not sugoi"

"oh rite"

"have u met my hasubando byakuya Togami?"

"No where is he"

"In his room"

So we broke down my hasubando's door and I said hi and introduced kiyomi but hasubando seemed very angry and then he walked away super fast and Toko-san was following him for some reason so I made torchic burn her not sugoi-hair

Kiyomi and i laughed and our eyes sparkled and we smiled and giggled and look so super cute and then boring-kun said that kiyomi was breaking canon cuz no one is supposed to know about outside and be able to escape

"then y u breaking 4th wall' kiyomi said

"U don't even exist" Boring-kun said

"GET OUT YOU STUPID MARY-SUE" yelled Toko and then Kiyomi disappeared because Author-san said that it wasn't right

I cried big sparkly tears and whined for kiyomi but of course i soured super kawaii while crying

* * *

 **Author-san is me.  
**

 **4th wall breaking...**

 **Kiyomi Tsutaya belongs to FireFury.**


	8. DA BEST CROSSOVER EVA

**Because DA BEST SYOC EVA is somehow relevant to this trainwreck.**

* * *

 _In an alternate timeline..._

"I'm questioning the logic of this entire thing." Mikako gestured to the bright blue portal floating in the air, showing...herself. On the other side.

However, while this Mikako's pink hair was at a realistic length, and her clothes were a plain dress, the other Mikako on the other side of the portal had her hair in 10-foot-long pigtails and a brightly colored outfit from some Vocaloid.

"It's my past self. From another timeline." Mikako blinked.

"wtf" was Kiyomi's simple response.

"Is it even...logically possible to watch an alternate version of yourself?" Gory frowned.

"Well, obviously." Mikako waved her hand in front of the portal. "This alternate Mikako somehow got placed into the main class...and judging from how fucking stupid she is, she isn't a mastermind."

"I-I'm so confused..." Uke's eyes were practically spinning around in his head.

Ninja and Tomato exchanged silent glances.

"And y'know what else is weird? Togami. He's in the main class, with a proper talent, like he should be, I guess." Mikako tapped a finger to her chin. "I wonder if this Togami survives..."

Everyone grew silent at the mention of Togami. In their killing game, Togami had been murdered during the third case, by a girl who's hair was even more unnaturally long than Mikako's. And now here he was, on the other side of the portal, being bothered by Mikako's alternate self.

"do u think despair's drop exists in there wurld?" Kiyomi asked.

"If it does, it's no wonder the rest of our class is missing. Because they're in Despair's Drop. That begs the question though; are they in a killing game? And if they are, who the hell is in charge?" Mikako groaned. "Truthfully, I'm not eager to find out. Let's just close this portal."

Just as Mikako reached out with one of her wands from some costume of hers... (She still couldn't figure out how her costumes had magical powers)

The other Mikako jumped through.

* * *

so like i jumped into a portal and omg! it wuz so weird desu!

There were like 6 people-things in the room.

There was this super kawaii girl who totes looked liek me! She had super kawaii pink hair with sugoi purple streaks just like mine! And her body was totes perf! And her eyes! Omg, her eyes were all rainbow and sugoi liek mine desu!

There was another girl who wux

"OMG1!1! KIYOMI CHAAAAAAAAN1!" I ran up 2 her and hugged her but for some reason she pushed me off? What? "Omg baka! Why did you push meee?! So not sugoi!"

Kiyomi-Chan just looked at me all weird desu?

Everyone else was ugly and so not sugoi so i don't care

"Ninja. Take her out." The girl who looked liek me said

den everything went black desu!

* * *

"A-Are you okay?"

I opened my eyes 2 see the most adorable uke guy ever! I think he wuz with the other people wen i met them but he didn't look important so

"omgggg! so cuyyyyyyyyuuute! can i be ur big sister desu?"

"I-I'm sorry, but Mikako is already my 'big sister'."

"LOL, I'm Mikako desu!"

"...Help." Da second he said that, all of a sudden my sugoi clone ran in! But her hair was all short? y wuz her hair all short? I didn't notic that when I got here!

"Oh fuck, she's awake." my clone said. "Well, uh, restrain her again, the memory drug still isn't done yet."

"I'M IMMUNE TO EVIL DRUGS BAKA!" I lifted up my wand but...dun dun dun! my wand wasnt there desu!

"We're not that stupid. We took your shit away." Clone-me shrugged. "After all, I'm you. I know how powerful we can get if we have our costumes."

"how da fack are you me!?JHKHK! desu"

"Alternate universe or something. Portals. Timelines." other-Mikako rolled her eyes. "We're sending you back to your own timeline."

"But y!? I liek this one!" I yell. Mikako put a hand on her chin

"Togami died in this one." She smild.

"OMG! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU desu"

* * *

I woke up in mi room

"oh. Just a not sugoi dream, lol desu."

* * *

 **h e l p  
**


	9. Kawaii girl is dead desu

Da next morning, monokuma-Kawaii-baka-Chan-Kun told us 2 go 2 the gym.

i dressed in anther pokemon cosplay and spent 2 hours combig my kawaii and sugoi hair.

He told uz some bs about motives and secretz n stuff. I just stared at Byakuya-hasubando-senpai-sensei-sama whole tiem because omg hes so sugoi.

monokuma-Kawaii-baka-Chan-Kun gav us enveloped wit our deepest secrets.

I opend mine.

* * *

 **This version of Mikako Sanada has a severe mental problem and really should be in a mental hospital right now because she's fucking nuts. -M.Y. and M.S.**

* * *

"WAT?! OMG OMG DIS IS A LIIIEEE!" I throwed the envelopd on the ground and yelled andscream because omg! totally not sugoi! it lied abut mmmeeee!

and den chihiro-chan caused some drama or some shit lol

i didnt car because Byakuya-hasubando-senpai-sensei-sama is so hot!

* * *

i wuz on a walk laughing because Maizono-san was dead.

And then someone screamed from teh second floor i forgot to explore.

"OMGOMG!"

I runned up there and to the locker rooms and...

dundundun!

Chihiro-Chan was dead! She wz all tied up and ther wuz bloody writing behidn her that said something in Japanese i didnt understnd.

"CHIHIRO-CHAN! NUUUU! YOU WERE 2 KAWAII FOR DIS CROOL WORLD!"

* * *

 **Out of all the things I could have updated, I updated this.**


End file.
